you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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