Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
