ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
