oh god the rape fog is back!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm at about main and main street
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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