She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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