I want to make a zoo with you.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
