The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
