the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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