Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
