Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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