does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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