so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
