Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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