Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
