Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
