she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
