peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
