I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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