Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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