I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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