I wish my penis had an off switch
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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