I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
