he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
