Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
