he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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