my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
