Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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