i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
