Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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