I wish i was in the wii world.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
