so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
