he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
