What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
