thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
