I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
