I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
