Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
as a side note pls kill me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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