tell your sister to shave her snatch
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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