but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
