a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
