I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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