peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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