He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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