why didn't you poke me back
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
