About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
