my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
