did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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