he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
