i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
