Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
